I’m just here to say, gosh it’s tough to be a human. And there’s not a whole lot of comfort in platitudes about resilience when things go wrong. When kids are hurt, they want a hug and some time to sniffle a little. I don’t think we ever really grow out of that, we’re simply forced to pretend that we’re tough cookies.
Chilli’s Checklist
Bluey’s Mum has a great little checklist in the episode ‘The Show’ and there’s even a poster on the website available for download, reminding her kids that when things go wrong:
- Have a cry.
- Pick yourself up.
- Dust yourself off.
- And keep going.
- The show must go on!
Keeping things moving
As I said in an earlier post, there’s a paradox in every paradigm, and when we are faced with the frailty of our humanity, our utter lack of control and the pain of unmet needs – there’s a very fine balancing act between honouring the feelings that naturally come with it, and keeping things in motion. This 8 minute video of Liza Minelli at 79 years old, is the ultimate pep talk about keeping it moving – from someone who was born into show business and truly lives by the mantra “the show must go on!” even after suffering heartbreak and addiction.
However, in corporate world, keeping it moving often looks like a group suffering amnesia and acting as if nothing happened. And that’s when a Highly Resonant Body will start to feel the reverberations of unspoken words and people in pain. It might even start to creep in as a sense of rage in the Highly Resonant Body, that is exasperated “WHY aren’t we talking about this?! WHY must we suffer alone?! WHAT are we afraid of?!”
Finding a kind audience
There’s something beautiful about recognising that people can be part of influencing a life without there even possibly being a reciprocal relationship. A great example is authors, or a kind adult in a fleeting moment during a childhood – and this can be a gold-mine for a Highly Resonant Body. When we’re no longer a kid, and don’t have a lovely Mum like Chilli to give us a cuddle and a little encouragement, there might be other figures in life that can offer that comfort. Especially when the body is feeling but the mind hasn’t yet found words. When things go wrong, the comforting presence of a kind, comforting, influential person can be invited in through contemplating:
- If you were to see yourself now, through that person’s eyes, what might you appreciate about yourself? If you saw yourself this way from now on, what difference would that make?
- What difference might it make to you if you were to think of their influence as you go about your life? What might this make more possible?
Narrative Therapy calls this re-membering, but I suspect there are many versions of this across cultures, especially those who practice ancestral worship.
When thinking about the power of this kind audience, Liza Minelli says it best:
“… it’s great when we meet a person who helps us. It’s horrible if you think you have to fight through every day…”
Agreed Liza, agreed.
A strong, defiant Fosse neck!
When you can get the show back on the road, let’s add one more thing to Chilli’s Checklist:
6. Give it a little Fosse neck!
This is a silly SNL skit about Liza Minelli trying to turn off a lamp, with a legendary line “will a Fosse neck do it?” It’s so stupid, and just perfect. Life is tough, and finding moments of fun is the ultimate act of defiance. Fun is the kind of defiance that declares a bad day at the office won’t ruin a whole day.
So yeah, I’m not going to end on a platitude or some twee ‘you got this!’ encouragement. But I do want to end on an uplifting note, so how about we finish it up like this: when things go wrong, there is a way forwards with the feelings, and there is a kind audience (perhaps a person or pet or plant) who appreciates you and your silly dancing along the way.